Want More Confidence With Sex? Get Into Your Feelings.
It seems as though my whole life I was labeling my feelings as good or bad. I only wanted the ones I labeled as good – happy and sexual. I decided I didn’t like sad, mad, or fear. I stuffed them down so much I eventually became disconnected from my body. I was only living in my head trying to rationalize, ignore, and intellectualize something that actually lives in my body not my mind.
I ended up gaslighting myself out of my ‘so-called’ bad feelings. I was immediately trying to find the “greater good”, learn the lesson, or simply distract myself. That strategy worked to a certain extent but ultimately it left me depressed and empty inside.
I started seeking things outside of myself to make myself feel better, which of course did not work. I would get set off into anger, fear, or sadness by things that usually would not evoke such a huge emotional response. I was in reaction mode not able to be in reception or response. I usually would end up making the other person wrong or hating myself for having feelings I didn’t prefer to have. Eventually I just stopped feeling anything at all. When asked how I felt, I said what I thought instead.
I eventually became so disconnected from my body and emotions I didn’t even feel the emotions I liked! Talk about a major backfire.
The past few years I have been on a journey of reconnecting with myself and my emotions – all of them! I say a journey because that is exactly what it is! There is no destination here. It is about being more present with myself now than I was before. I stopped judging all emotions. All emotions are normal. All emotions are welcome.
How have I done this? I learned to tune into my body! I know that having a consistent workout schedule gives me time to get out of my head and move energy through my body instead of keeping it stuck. I have many different kinds of Spiritual practice. I do different forms of meditation, journaling, reading and ritual to help me sit with and explore my feelings. Of course, I make time for self pleasure! I invite you to expand your definition of self pleasure beyond masturbation. Self pleasure can be anything that brings you pleasure, and should be prioritized with your self care regimen. It can be a creative project like cooking, sewing, or art. Self pleasure can be taking a relaxing bath, yoga practice, or dancing in your living room.
My brain still wants to go into it’s default mode of disconnection sometimes. Like I said, it is a journey and some days will be hard. However, knowing what happiness, jealousy, lust, curiosity, anger, and exuberance feels like always leads me back to center. When I know what triggers these feelings, I can communicate that with myself as well as my partner.
If you are looking to develop more confidence with sex, or simply want to learn how to get more in touch with your feelings, contact me today! We will work together to help you map out these feelings, how to connect with them, and how to work with them instead of against them.
Ready to get started now? Fill out my client intake form today!