How To Speak Sexual Needs And Desires

The word “arousal” can be jarring.

When you see this word, what happens?

For so long this word arouse has been used in the contex of sex, when it really just means to evoke or awaken.

What draws at your mind? What does it mean? What do I do now?

You see something that evokes an emotion or body sensation.

You make a judgment. You decide what to do about it.

What you are seeing or perceiving is ultimately a result of your past programming and experiences. It is a mirror of you.

If you see something that has been associated with sex in the past you sexualize what you see at present, regardless of the intent of what is being presented to you.

We use the word “arousal” to describe a sexual feeling when it doesn’t have to be sexual. And, what you find sexually arousing may not be what someone else finds sexually arousing.

I invite you to examine your arousal.

Is it simply an awakening of an emotion, thought or body sensation? 

Where is this projection coming from? 

Does it have to be sexual? 

What I have learned from working with people for over ten years is that (cis-gendered) men are often told they can’t show emotions. That they can’t be vulnerable in the world. They are told that they can’t experience touch, connection or intimacy except through sex. (Cis-gendered)Women are told they are too emotional, weak, and vulnerable. That they can be touched without consent and that they are not supposed to enjoy sex. Total opposite messages! No wonder there is such a disconnect going on!

The truth is that no matter what gender identity or sexual expression, you have feelings, need touch, intimacy and connection – and deserve to enjoy sex! 

I found when men are craving connection, touch and intimacy they often go to sex because its one of the only places they have been told the can receive it. I invite you to go deeper, and to learn how to speak your sexual needs and understand where they are coming from.

Imagine being more at peace with your emotions and able to express yourself clearly. Think of the conscious joy that you can experience every day. If you are ready to start living a more fulfilled life, contact me today!