By Stacie Ysidro
Sex means a lot of different things to different people. Our attitudes ideals and beliefs about sexuality are shaped fire culture family and religious upbringings. Men and women are often said different messages about sexuality there are also generational differences in the messages we are given about what it means to be a man or a woman.
Men and women are often told opposite messages about sexuality. Women are often told to downplay sexual interest and experience. Men are told to exaggerate their sexual experience and interest.
In our society men are still often seen as providers and problem solvers. They tend to be seperated from daily touch and intimate connection. The only area they are ‘allowed’ to experience touch and intimacy is through sex. We don’t allow men to be vulnerable or show emotions. I don’t believe men are trying to ‘fuck the world’ I think they are really seeking a level of intimacy and connection. If we don’t allow men to experience intimacy, touch and connection in daily life it’s no wonder they gravitate to sex. Sexual experiences are really the only place they are allowed to experience touch and feelings.
Men are also limited to the feelings they are allowed to express- anger and happy. There are many feelings and emotions that are in between anger and happiness.
There are also many ways to experience touch besides sex. On a day to day basis men are less likely to get a hug or any type of platonic touch. women are infested with it. it is more socially acceptable for women to touch each other, children than it is for me to.
Touch and connection is part of being a human being. It has been said that babies die if they are not held and touched- what makes us any different when we are older?
Men are fed the message that their masculinity is attached to their sexual prowess, strength or size of erection and how much they can ejaculate. The truth is that both men and women’s sexual prime is late teens into their 20’s or early 30’s. All that means is that our bodies are prime to procreate. It does not have anything to do with capacity for pleasure. We can not expect our bodies to respond the way they do in our 20’s when we are in our 40’s or 50’s. Biologically we are past are peak for procreation so our hormone levels and physical response are much different. I think this is our opportunity to experience the other aspects of ourselves and of sexuality apart from the physical act.
The generation that has grown up with the internet may come to this realization sooner than previous generations. They have been saturated with sex. I get many inquiries from men under 35 wondering what else there is to experience from sexuality besides going through the motions.
Sexuality includes your mind, energy, spirit, emotions and your body. All of these areas need to be acknowledged and included in our sexual experiences in order for them to be fulfilling.
When we start to understand how these areas involve sexuality we are able to expand and increase our level of pleasure and fulfillment.
If you are ready to explore sexuality beyond going through the motions sex coaching is for you. It is best to start with some talk sessions to assess where you are at and clarify your needs and desires. Once we know where you have been and where you are now the future becomes more clear and easily attainable. The journey is not one can take for you but one you must experience for yourself. Coaches offer you a unbiased, nonjudgmental space to help guide you along the way. You now have a safe space to talk about sexuality and help you move beyond what you have previously known. You have unlimited potential it is up to you to achieve it.